Emo-maniacal

Your emotions will betray you.

This is something I've heard spoken in a variety of different ways over the last couple of months.  After the nth time, I realized maybe I should pay attention.  I tend to take pride in the fact that I lack a few traditionally female qualities.  You're not going to get emotional outbursts from me and if you need sympathy, you're better off looking elsewhere.  I'll listen, but my responses will be honest and occasionally more blunt than some would like.  I attribute that to growing up in a household of "suck it up" (my mom was an army brat).  I don't coddle, I don't wallow, and I certainly don't break down.  Well, at least not publicly. 

There have been times in my life where I get focused on reality...well...sucking.  All I can see is what is missing and I begin to live in fear of what these missing things could lead to, or not lead to, down the line.  I obsess about what I should have done differently or why when I think I did everything right things still turned out a certain way.  I literally analyze the implications of each way I've responded to inconsequential conversations.  Crazy, right??  This is when I realize my emotions might not be falling out of my eyeballs, but they are most definitely present and swirling around my brain like a dead fish in a toilet bowl (and just about as useful as that, too).  In these moments, I feel completely schizophrenic.  Logic and emotion are at war with one another, and emotion is so much easier to give in to.  My emotions steal away my value, my self-confidence and my joy but leave a clearly defined path to a barren wasteland existence.  My logic tries to restore those things, but still leaves a sense of uncertainty.  What's a girl to choose - a barren wasteland or a question mark?  Well, Ms. Logical, this is when you fail - epic fail.  Logical reasoning chooses certainty.  Barren wasteland it is! 

My emotions will betray me.  What has followed these words has been, "when your emotions are in control, hold tight to what you know to be true."  Hmmm.  Truth: I am loved eternally and unconditionally regardless of what my feelings tell me.  Truth: there is a plan for my life even if I'm Magoo-ing it up.  Truth: I am fallible, so maybe I should trust one who is not.

Does this mean my schizophrenia is cured?  Nope.  However, I will work it out because I have truth to stand on, so those question marks don't carry as much weight and that wasteland loses its appeal in light of the confidence truth brings.  I have to choose truth above all else because it's right.  It's always right.

The Male Perspective – Online Dating

So, the other day I accidentally signed up for eHarmony (yes, accidentally. i.e. – it wasn’t intentional). To explain: I knew I was filling out a personality profile--because of a promise that they give you a free relationship/personality assessment at the end. I was interested. Yeah, they give you the assessment after you sign up. Obnoxious.

I’ve never been into the online dating thing. I know it works for some people, but I still find it weird trying to “meet people” based on an online profile...but I digress. I was going to leave it at that, but right off the bat I was getting “conversation requests.” Anyone who knows me knows I don’t like to be rude, but when I went to respond I found you had to subscribe to communicate! What a racket. Since I refused to pay the full price $60 membership, I scoured the internet and found a promo code for new members--$20 for a month. I can handle $20 I guess. I’m new to Nashville and should make some friends. I need a break from work.

Here are a few of my initial observations:

1. With eHarmony trying to match you up based on the same interests, after a while it seems like you’re looking at the same profile information with a different picture. I actually caught myself wondering about one of my matches yesterday when she didn’t mention Jesus in the first paragraph of her profile. Is she any less devout? Probably not. Was it a horrible comparison? Yes.

2. We all know that men are very visual, and I have no problem appreciating attractive women. So, to piggy-back on #1--after the information starts looking the same, the attention (and presumably more shallow route) comes back to the profile picture. Is she cuter than my last match? Is she taller then my last match? I’m not quite sure I understand how the “29 Dimensions of Compatibility” are supposed to make this any less of a meat market.

**Disclaimer: I do believe that every person on this planet can have attractive qualities (I qualify that to say some people just choose to be bad people and I would not find them attractive in any sense), but there are obviously attributes that some people might find more attractive than others. Moving on…

3. To piggy-back on #2 (funny how this is working out)--I really do feel like a terrible person when I see a profile picture of my match with friend(s) and I get really excited thinking “wow, she is really good looking,” only to flip to the next picture and find out the really good looking girl was ‘friend’ and not ‘match.’ Oh. Is your friend seeing anyone…?

Dating and meeting people isn’t easy for guys—and in a lot of respects I would say it’s more difficult then it is for women. We live in the United States where we are married to the idea of the rough-and-tough cowboy and the “self-made man.” As incorrect as these perceptions might be, somehow culture got its claws in us early on to teach men that this is what’s expected. How is a guy supposed to meet a woman and fall in love if he’s off alone “building his life” all the time? Which is it? Am I supposed to be a cowboy and go it alone, or am I supposed to get married? Ah, the contradictions. All I can really do is stick my neck out there and hope to not get rejected (or decapitated).

I’ll probably have to follow this up at the end of my 30 day self-imposed trial period. I do have a coffee date with someone tomorrow after church. At least I’m meeting new people. Right?

P.S.– I got my personality profile: I’m agreeable, open, emotionally stable, conscientious, and extroverted. Any takers?

The Male Perspective

We decided it might be interesting to add a little balance to the female voices by inviting an old friend to lend his perspective to Sass. We are in our own heads enough that it's a welcome break to hear what is really going on with the other half. Welcome, Ryan!