So, the other day I accidentally signed up for eHarmony (yes, accidentally. i.e. – it wasn’t intentional). To explain: I knew I was filling out a personality profile--because of a promise that they give you a free relationship/personality assessment at the end. I was interested. Yeah, they give you the assessment after you sign up. Obnoxious.
I’ve never been into the online dating thing. I know it works for some people, but I still find it weird trying to “meet people” based on an online profile...but I digress. I was going to leave it at that, but right off the bat I was getting “conversation requests.” Anyone who knows me knows I don’t like to be rude, but when I went to respond I found you had to subscribe to communicate! What a racket. Since I refused to pay the full price $60 membership, I scoured the internet and found a promo code for new members--$20 for a month. I can handle $20 I guess. I’m new to Nashville and should make some friends. I need a break from work.
Here are a few of my initial observations:
1. With eHarmony trying to match you up based on the same interests, after a while it seems like you’re looking at the same profile information with a different picture. I actually caught myself wondering about one of my matches yesterday when she didn’t mention Jesus in the first paragraph of her profile. Is she any less devout? Probably not. Was it a horrible comparison? Yes.
2. We all know that men are very visual, and I have no problem appreciating attractive women. So, to piggy-back on #1--after the information starts looking the same, the attention (and presumably more shallow route) comes back to the profile picture. Is she cuter than my last match? Is she taller then my last match? I’m not quite sure I understand how the “29 Dimensions of Compatibility” are supposed to make this any less of a meat market.
**Disclaimer: I do believe that every person on this planet can have attractive qualities (I qualify that to say some people just choose to be bad people and I would not find them attractive in any sense), but there are obviously attributes that some people might find more attractive than others. Moving on…
3. To piggy-back on #2 (funny how this is working out)--I really do feel like a terrible person when I see a profile picture of my match with friend(s) and I get really excited thinking “wow, she is really good looking,” only to flip to the next picture and find out the really good looking girl was ‘friend’ and not ‘match.’ Oh. Is your friend seeing anyone…?
Dating and meeting people isn’t easy for guys—and in a lot of respects I would say it’s more difficult then it is for women. We live in the United States where we are married to the idea of the rough-and-tough cowboy and the “self-made man.” As incorrect as these perceptions might be, somehow culture got its claws in us early on to teach men that this is what’s expected. How is a guy supposed to meet a woman and fall in love if he’s off alone “building his life” all the time? Which is it? Am I supposed to be a cowboy and go it alone, or am I supposed to get married? Ah, the contradictions. All I can really do is stick my neck out there and hope to not get rejected (or decapitated).
I’ll probably have to follow this up at the end of my 30 day self-imposed trial period. I do have a coffee date with someone tomorrow after church. At least I’m meeting new people. Right?
P.S.– I got my personality profile: I’m agreeable, open, emotionally stable, conscientious, and extroverted. Any takers?
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